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Adam Sandler

The Hypnotist

  comedy  humor  funny  alternative  rock
789 3 часа назад

Текст песни Adam Sandler - The Hypnotist

Adam Sandler - The Hypnotist слова песни


[typing sounds]
[Dr. Stewart:] Hi, [I`m] Dr. Stewart.
[Gary Phelps:] Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I`m Gary Phelps.
[Dr. Stewart:] My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
[Gary Phelps:] No, I haven`t. I`m actually quite nervous, but
I just, uh, I --
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
[Gary Phelps:] To be honest with you,
I saw your name in the Yellow Pages,
and It said you`re good at this stuff, so I just,
I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
[Dr. Stewart:] So smoking is your problem?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I can`t stop smoking and it`s --
it`s finally, like, affecting everything I do,
I can`t run, I can`t play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I,
I gotta give it up.
[Dr. Stewart:] How long have you smoked, Gary?
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and
I just can`t kick it, you know?

[Dr. Stewart:] Yeah, right. [small, barely noticeable fart]
All right, Gary, why don`t you just have a seat here and sit
down and just relax --
what I do is hypnosis.
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] Basically I just want you to sit back and relax --
let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and ,
um, just feel comfortable and trust me.

[bigger fart]
[Gary Phelps: noticing fart sound] Uh...
[Dr. Stewart:] That`s it.
[Gary Phelps:] O-kay....
[Dr. Stewart:] That`s it.
[Gary Phelps:] That was...o-kay...
[Dr. Stewart:] All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes,
and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing.
Okay? That`s it. Now I`m gonna count backwards from five to zero --
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] -- and I just want you to relax, and you`re going
to fall into a deep state of mind --
of subconsciousness -- you`re very comfortable,
I`ll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax,
and just think of nothing.
[three farts in succession]
[Gary Phelps:] Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Just concentrate now. That`s it.
Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now.
We`re very comfortable.
Five [small fart], we`re thinking of nothing except being comfortable
and nothing`s bothering us. Okay.
When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you`re sinking, you`re
sinking, [medium fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
[Dr. Stewart:] Please just try to relax; that wasn`t me. Okay.
You`re very stressed -- you`re very stressed.
Okay, four, we`re relaxing, we`re relaxing, you`re very comfortable,
you`re very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...[fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can`t...
[Dr. Stewart:] That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it`s --
the vinyl -- it`s a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate.
Okay. And we`re very sleepy, we`re relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us,
nothing bothers us -- [several farts]
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe?
I`m just having a tough time concentrating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we`re relaxing,
we`re relaxing
[fart and cough together] three, two, two --
[Gary Phelps:] I was just going to ask you if you could maybe
stop doing that.
I can`t concentrate when you`re doing that.
[Dr. Stewart:] This is what I do. It`s a counting-down thing.
We`re relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go,
don`t focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we`re doing here.
Three, two, relax, relax, that`s it, just relax [fart], we`re
relaxing now --
[Gary Phelps:] Okay -- you`re gonna -- that one was --
it`s getting a little irritating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hang on just a second here.
Let me just step out a second here.
[Gary Phelps:] That`d be good.
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and we`re relaxing,
as I leave, we`re relaxing, still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
[Gary Phelps:] Jesus...Oh my God.
[Dr. Stewart:] We`re relaxing.
[Gary Phelps: trying hard not to laugh]
[Dr. Stewart:] Okay, I`m back, we`re relaxing, and we`re counting down,
we`re to two, and all we`re thinking about is healthy, fresh air.
Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Sir, I`d appreciate if you could stop `letting it out`.
But okay, okay, fine, thank you.
[Dr. Stewart:] That`s it, you`re all right, everything`s good.
All right, you feel very comfortable, you`re sinking into the chair,
we`re relaxing, one [long fart], and we`re coming down to zero and --
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
[Dr. Stewart:] No, no, that time that was you.
[Gary Phelps:] That wasn`t me!

[Dr. Stewart: We`re not here to pick sides, we`re not here to
pick sides, that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in
another session, but right now we`re dealing with the smoking,
and, um, let`s not worry about anything else that`s going down
--
[Gary Phelps: OK, I`ve just gotta kick this habit.
[Dr. Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we`re going to feel very
fresh [fart], we`re going to feel very healthy [fart], and let`s
take a nice, deep breath --
[Gary Phelps: I can`t breathe, sir, uh, I`m sorry, I just --
["squirty" fart]
[Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food --

[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we`re relaxing --
that one probably squirted out a little into the pants,
but we`ll just continue with thte floating [fart] --
yeah, that was definitely a squirt --
but here we go, one, zero, we are under.
Are you relaxed?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I`m under, I guess.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, relaxing, relaxing.
You`re under a deep trance, you will not smoke anymore,
you will just feel healthy from now on, and you`ll be breathing in nothing
but fresh air, and you will not smell anything in this room, it wasn`t me,
it wasn`t me farting [fart] -- that was not me --
[Gary Phelps: hysterically laughing under his breath]
You`re gonna have to stop doing that, sir. It`s just very hard
for me to listen to you when you`re --
[Dr. Stewart:] You`re floating now, you`re high above, you`re
looking down,
nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh man...
[Dr. Stewart:] -- that was you,
[Gary Phelps:] That was not me, sir! I`m watching you!
[Dr. Stewart:] That was you, and when you wake up, you will not
remember any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist,
don`t worry, she gets it all the time. All right -- you smell
nothing; I`m perfectly clean. I have no bad gas; it was all from
outside or from -- from -- you yourself. And let`s not forget
the smoking thing that`s why you`re here. No smoking. Repeat
after me: I am a smelly pig.
[Gary Phelps:] What?
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we`re moving along, and we;`re relaxed. [fart]
All right, and now we`re going to count back up, up one to five,
[Gary Phelps:] OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don`t want to smoke...
[Dr. Stewart:] Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five,
you will snap out of this, and you won`t remember this,
especially the smell, the smell was from you.
All right? And here we go.
Zero, we`re coming out of it, you`re waking up slowly, your eyes
are opening,
one, you`re feeling good, and when you wake up,
you`ll feel wide awake and perfect you`ll feel whole and [fart]
all-righty,
I ripped that one out there and I apologize.
I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out..
[Gary Phelps:] That was not nice.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, and, we`re coming right [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] What was that?
[Dr. Stewart:] That was three.
[Gary Phelps:] It didn`t sound like three.
[Dr. Stewart:] three, I`m counting, and four, it`s no smell in
here, and you don`t smoke, you don`t want a cigarette, no, and
here we go [fart] five, and -- [snap] Do you want a cigarette?
[Gary Phelps:] No I don`t.
[Dr. Stewart:] Then my job is done.
[Gary Phelps: bursts into laughter]
[Dr. Stewart: fart] Please leave the door open as you leave. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] OK, thank you, Doctor.

[typing resumes and another fart is heard]

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