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The Dead Milkmen

Cousin Earl

  punk  punk rock  comedy  rock  indie
655 3 часа назад

Текст песни The Dead Milkmen - Cousin Earl

The Dead Milkmen - Cousin Earl слова песни




Now, you wanna talk about bladder problems, then the man you wanna talkto will probably be my cousin Earl. I guess you all know Earl; he livesout on Route 13 out on that maggot farm. Earl don`t like it when you gethis maggot farm confused with a worm farm. A worm farm is for worms, anda maggot farm is for maggots, and Earl`s got the biggest maggots in thestate. Three feet long. Of course, now Earl believes this might be dueto the fact that St. Smithen`s Medical Facility has been dumping theirwaste on his property. Interesting thing about three-foot maggots isthat... that, well, one day the china disappeared, and then the nextday his television disappeared, and then a few days after that, his`57 Chevy disappeared. But there they are: the world`s biggest maggots.Anyway, one day, Earl and I were standin` in the kitchen, giant maggotscrawlin` across the floor, and Earl turns to me, and he says, "Do youever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it`s got hairs all overit?" and he gives me a look that still chills me to this day.Now, Earl`s got a son, and they call him Earl Junior, which I think ispretty clever, since he is Earl`s son. He`s not really a normal boy,ever since that tractor accident. Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of"976-" phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers, like "976-PIGG"with two G`s, and "976-SHEEP", which has five letters in it, I know.He`s a sick boy. Earl suggested that, well, maybe I talk to him. So Iwent into his bedroom, and I sat him down, but before I could say aword, Earl Junior looked at me, and he said, "Didja ever go to make apork sausage, and find it`s got hairs all over it?" And he gave me alook that still chills me to this day.Now, Earl`s got a daughter, and they call her Effie-Sue. And Effie-Sue,she don`t look so much like a little girl, as she looks like a... a bigpile of fungus. Earl blames this, too, on the fact that St. Smithen`sMedical Facility has been dumpin` on his maggot farm. And, I never hadmuch contact with Essie... Effie-Sue. Excuse me, I don`t even thinkthat much of her to get her name right. I never had much contact with her. She just normallyjust sits on the couch like a little ball offungus and just... boils away. Well, one day, she looked at me, andthat little ball of fungus opened its mouth (or what I guess was itsmouth - I`d hate to think what else it could be), and out of thatorifice floated the words, "Didja ever go to make a... a pork sausageand find it`s got hair all over it?", and then that... that little pileof fungus gave me a look that chills me to this day.Now, Earl`s got a wife, and we call her... Wife. We don`t know hername, because she`s never really said that much. For the longest time,we thought she could only say two words, which were "dog" and "pussy".We thought that meant "dog" and "cat", but then we found out that whatshe was really trying to say was "dog-pussy", one big hyphenated word,which doesn`t come up much in conversation, especially amongst Baptists.We never heard her say anything other than that. You know, she worksdown at... down at St. Smithen`s Medical Facility and Pork SausageDistillery, got a good-paying job there, although she only does saythose... well that one word. And we have heard her say another thingonce, but that was a long time ago. We were sittin` around the house,and she looked at me, and she said, "Do you ever go to make a porksausage, and find that it`s got hairs growin` all over it?", and shegave me a look that chills me to this day.Now, one day, Earl took his whole family fishin` down in Miller`s Creek.He took his wife, who could only say "dog-pussy"; he took his son, EarlJunior, who took the day off from calling "976-" barnyard numbers; andhe took that little... that little ball of fungus daughter, Effie-Sue,of his along with him. They all got in a little boat and they startedfishing. Now St. Smithen`s Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distilleryhas been known to dump their stuff into Miller`s Creek. All sorts ofheinous stuff, big barrels floatin` in the creek, with little things onthem that say "St. Smithen`s Medical Facility and Pork SausageDistillery". Anyway, Earl was fishing, and he caught a wall-eyed bass,which had twenty-seven eyes on it. It was a twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyedbass. Earl looked at it, and decided, "Mmmm, wouldn`t this be good toeat!" So he took out his knife to cut it open. But that fish looked upat him, and it said, "Please, mister! Please, don`t eat me!" And Earlsaid, "But I`m hungry! I`m hungry! I work on a maggot farm! My wife canonly say `dog-pussy`! My daughter is a pile of fungus! My son spent allof his college money calling `976-` numbers! I have to eat you!" Andthat fish said, "Please, don`t eat me, mister, please!" And he said,"I have to! I have to!" So the fish said, "Alright then, if you`regonna cut me open, let me ask you one question: Didja ever go to eata pork sausage and find it`s got hairs growin` all over it?" And then,all twenty-seven eyes stared back at Earl, and they stared back at hiswife who could only say "dog-pussy", and they stared back at his weird"976-" animal-calling son, and they stared back at that... little pileof pus that passes for Earl`s daughter. And they gave them a look! Alltwenty-seven eyes gave them a look! A look that they will not forgetuntil this very day!Oh, man!

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